​The Greatest Peace Of All, For Me,
Is When I Find It In The Worst Of Times,
I Can Find Peace In The Acceptance,
Of All My Tribulations That I Am Unable To Change.
And I Find Courage In The Trials That, I Am Able, To Change.
And Through Gods Infinite Wisdom,
I May Understand The Difference Between,
What To Accept,
To Let Go,
To Let God,
To Do Alone,
For Me,
And What Is Ours To Do, Together.
Surrendering All My Self-Will,
For Gods Will Alone.
His Reasons And Purpose,
That I May Not See Now,
That In The Future, (Perhaps) I May.
Nothing In This World Can Change,
Unless And Until I Change.
And Together We Can Do,
Through Gods Grace And Guidance,
All That Which, Needs To Be Done,
That We Could Not Do Alone!
To COVID, And Enemy Influence Of God.
I See You.
I Know That You Are There.
I Acknowledge You.
But I No L:onger Fear You.
I Will No Longer Allow You To Darken My Door.
I Will No Longer Fear Sickness Or Death.
Living This Way, Is No Way To Live.
Life Is Not Living, In Fear Of Death Each Day.
My Life Was Given,
And Any Time Be Taken Away.
And Another Day Was Never Promised.
My New Years Resolution?
To Live My Life,
As If It Were My Last Day Earth.
Celebrating Each Moment. While I Have It.
To COVID, And The Adversarial Forces,
My Scars Remain,
But You No longer Rule My Life.
Not My, Feelings And Emotions.
In One Way, Or Another,
You Are Here,
You Have Always Been Here,
And Always Will Be Here,
As Is Always Has Been Here,
My Faith, And Hope.
A New Year,
A New Beginning,
A New Opportunity.
Overcoming Adversity,
Allows Us To Know Peace,
Where There Once Was No Peace.
And Often We Must Fight For It.
We May Have To Sacrifice Our Lives.
But That Which Does Not Kill Us,
Only Makes Us Stronger.
The Future Is Not About Us.
The Future Is Every Child.
And What Will We Give, To Them?
Will Determine Everyone's Future.
Happy New Year 2022!

​An American Awakening.
A moment of terror, an eternity of great sorrow.
-by Clay Burton
Thank you to every single veteran and first responder who could do no other thing than to defend, protect and save a life. Thank you for your brave courageous, and unselfish service. You all please God so well.
The September 11 attacks, often referred to as 9/11, were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks by the militant Islamist terrorist group al-Qaeda against the United States of America on the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001.
Date: September 11, 2001, 7:46 AM CDT
Number of deaths: 2,996
Injuries (nonfatal): 25,000
It was not something that just happened.
Of the 2,977 victims killed in the September 11 attacks, 412 were emergency workers in New York City who responded to the World Trade Center. This included:
343 firefighters (including a chaplain and two paramedics) of the New York City Fire Department (FDNY)
37 police officers of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey Police Department (PAPD)
23 police officers of the New York City Police Department (NYPD)
8 emergency medical technicians and paramedics from private emergency medical services
3 New York State Court Officers
1 patrolman from the New York Fire Patrol
Ladies and Gentlemen of America. Lest We Never Forget.
THE LONGEST WAR:
Not only was 9/11 not something that just happened but it is I still happening.
It had never gone away. How can a 5000-year-old radical ideology go away?
Yes, folk's it's, happening, and its, happening again. And let's not ignore this fact until it's time to go buy candles, ribbons and, balloons after the fact, just so that we can have closure.
So we can call it all healing, and staying strong and resilient together.
Folks we have reached a historical level of emotional detachment, desensitization, and short attention spans. All except for all those who have lost their families, husbands, wives, children, and friends.
They can never forget until the next time, that it's time, to remember all over again.
You may think of me negatively for stirring up perceived, unnecessary, emotions of fear and worry. As if the aftermath of terrorism was necessary at all.
Meanwhile, new, news becomes old news, and old news becomes, new again.
Thinking that The U.S. pull out of Afahganatsan is over is like thinking that on May 18, 2018, at Santa Fe High School in Santa Fe, Texas could not ever happen again.
As if we all thought it could ever happen to us right here at home in the first place.
And we did not. But it did. We were not prepared.
Percentage of U.S. population born since the 2001 attacks plotted by al-Qaida leaders who were sheltering in Afghanistan: Roughly one out of every four.
THE HUMAN COST:
American service members killed in Afghanistan through April: 2,448.
U.S. contractors: 3,846.
Afghan national military and police: 66,000.
Other allied service members, including from other NATO member states 1,144.
Afghan civilians: 47,245.
Taliban and other opposition fighters: 51,191.
Aid workers: 444.
Journalists: 72.
You may ask what can we do to prevent this kind of thing from happening again? I am certain there are a million things that we as Galveston County citizens can do.
But it would take getting involved. Electing leaders, forming committees, having meetings, with a diversified community in action.
But most importantly of all? Let's stop fighting each other at least as much and for right now. Is that reasonable?
We don't have to like each other to work together. And the easiest way to tolerate a co-worker is when we do not make the job all about us. But for the sake of others in need.
In WW2 The United States of American had stayed out of the war until Britain, the last stand of Europe could no, longer withstand Hitler's vast expending genocidal global domination.
We as Americans knew very well that we had to take the fight against Hitler around the world before our freedom was obliviated.
We joined forces with our allies to conquer this evil together.
But we as a nation of people also joined forces with each other. Every race, gender, religion, class, and age, here at home was very clear what was taking place.
It was literally a Do or Die, United We Stand, Divided We Fall, end of the world as we know it, life and death situation. Why is it not now?
In the next year be prepared for the emboldened regimes of terrorist organizations to taunt their victories by terrorizing us. Again.
Would you that I am inciting panic? Honey? We've been living in panic with Pandemics, Natural disasters, and War conflicts for a century now.
The problem is that we forget Because we want to forget. Because we can't sit still with technology long enough to remember yesterday.
So am I just being negative with no solutions of my own? No, I am not. I do have a solution. Pray. A lot.
Pray for everything. Give thanks, show gratitude and appreciation, be kind to each other, raise our kids by examples of mature adulthood and give, give, give!
During WW2 there were two major historical feats performed by American citizens who built or defenses and won the war. Sacrifice and Rationing.
That meant to give away and giving up. Volunteer! Everyone dropped what they were doing to do something for the war efforts. We can do this again.
No, we cannot change the country, nor the world. But we can be that change in Galveston County. Every race, gender, religion, class, and age, here at home can lead by example. We don't have to look for leaders when we can become leaders. Leaders lead not to gain flowers.
But to create more leaders. The next generations. Politicians can stop using our children as campaign slogans for building a better world and begin building better opportunities for our children.
We can no longer rely on the Government to solve all of our problems without helping the government that, We The People" formed.
What can we do to help? We could ask our Counties municipal elected officials. We're on our smartphones all day anyway. Emails? City council meetings.
Call your local City Hall for something other than to complain. Seems to me that getting involved in helping them do their jobs would mean they would have more time to do the better jobs for us.
If you feel for whatever reason that you are unable to volunteer to help. Then the best help of all is support. Support others who are able to volunteer.
Encourage, appreciate, and say thank you for your service work. CommUnity! Together We Can Do, Through God, What We Could Not Do Alone.
This is not a plea for peace and love, only. It is a call to citizens' duty, and responsibility to do the hard work that not many today seem to want to do or to give the time that we would prefer to keep to ourselves.
Not just for today, but every day. If we work hard every day, then we get used to working hard. If we don't work, then, we are not likely to embrace the earning of our rewards.
If we are given everything, then how could we appreciate all the daily gifts in our lives?
The very smallest of blessings in all of our lives each and every day.
What I am saying in all of this post. Is that inspiration, self-worth, well-being, positive feelings, that we get from achieving goals together create morale, encouragement, energy, happiness, usefulness, and inclusion.
These are only a few spiritual, principles that defend against and defeat evil.
Thank you for letting me share.
God Is In Everything.
God Bless America.
One Nation Under God (Everyone)
In God We Trust.

​Disclaimer: Delta Flight Or Fight.
-by Clay Burton
This post is based on my opinions, despite any facts that it may contain. It may be viewed as theoretically conspiratorial. But If we're concerned about those who do read this and feel that way? I wouldn't have written it.
I cannot offer different research studies, percentages, statistics, or testing as fact. As these often contradict each other due to the politically divisive, life we are living in today where "feelings" and "fear" can't conclude the facts.
Thank you biased media!
From my own opinions and research. Yes. The Delta Variant is highly contagious. However, has been thus far determined not as life-threatening as COVID-19.
I refuse to spend another year or lifetime in fear and watch our children suffer their education and mental-emotional health.
I want to hear about death toll risk, death rates, and hospitalizations. No More Unsubstantiated, Unnecessary, And Political Fear.
Get Vaccinated? Wear a Mask? What is the point?
More variants are likely to occur. Such as more variants of The Flu have occurred. I believe that all pandemics are money makers in the same way that political-global War Conflicts are big money.
Dr. Fauci, The CDC, WHO, Politicians, are always changing their positions and have been doing so creating new stresses and challenges. They claim that because science changes, so do the researched information.
I get that. I agree. At the beginning that is. But how long has it been now? And you don't know any more than you do then?
Fear is the best money maker of all. Although there is reason to fear at the beginning of any unexpected life-changing and life-threatening human global trauma.
But so far after decades of "end of the world" scenarios here we are. Resilient.
Some may call our political unrest, anger, division, chaos, and confusion a far worse scenario and much more problematic. Especially for our kid's indoctrinated belief systems.
Where is Love, Peace, Unity, Understanding, and Fun in such a dark and seemingly hopeless world?
Undetermined? Vaccinated or Unvaccinated? Once again from the start? Do masks work or not work? I always say that results, evidence, and outcomes determine the truth.
Is the Delta variant more dangerous than other variants of concern?
According to surveys conducted in the U.K., where Delta accounts for ~90% of current COVID-19 cases, symptoms of Delta tend to be a little different than other strains, but that does not necessarily mean the associated symptoms are more severe.
Research is ongoing to determine if Delta infection is associated with increased hospitalization and death. However, it appears that the Unvaccinated Folks are more at risk.
In conclusion of my opinionated views on our continuous and uncertain pandemic journey, my biggest concerns are how a life-threatening illness can change our Freedom. Our Decision making. Our Independents. Our Choices?
Folks in 243 Years we have gone through either the same crises of many different kinds or way worse!
Small Pox, Polio, the Spanish Flu, Sars, Zika, West Nile, Ebola, H1N1, H1N2, HIV/AIDS, German Measles, Swine Flu, Bird Flu, and many other epidemics and pandemics.
We here on the Gulf Coast have endured and survived The Great 1900 Storm and numerous devastating Hurricanes that have followed ever since.
And here we are. Better, Stronger, Wiser, And Ready for the next inevitable storms. And although we can never be so ready, for the unexpected? We know that God is in every storm.
Faith Not Fear. In God We Trust. God Bless America. One Nation Under God, With God All Things Are Possible.
Thanks for letting me share.

This is for Mom on Mother's Day.
For whatever legitimate, yet, unfortunate reasons and unhealthy environmental circumstances that contributed to my long journey of being lost in the world, and despite being unaware at a very young age, of why it all was at it was.
It was I who had chosen to remain a victim as I grew older and older.
That is until one day that God saw fit to show mercy on me and gave me an opportunity to get on a more rightful path. And I still walk it and have far to go. By Kingdom Come.
But it was my Mom that God chose for me, that had allowed me to be safe through her prayers. For decades I had been in every harmful and illegal, activity imaginable while sewing all my wild oats.
Yet I never have had a criminal record. Nope, none. How can this be? Because my Mom instilled in me and my brothers the importance of common courtesy and respect.
Yes Sir, No Mam, Thank you.
So when I got in trouble, (which was often) the officers that had me in the back of the patrol car would take a look at me and perhaps think to themselves, "This kid doesn't seem so bad, he just needs some direction".
But what they said to me was more like this, "Son you get your $%# outta here right now ya hear me? And if I catch you round here again, I'll throw your lil chubby butt where there ain't no sunlight! Get it?
Yes Sir! Thank you, Sir! Have A Good Day Sir!
Thank You!.............gone!
BTW? Thank You, Judge Nelson! (whew)
So this recent award was presented to me by our very own Hitchcock Chamber of Commerce in Galveston County and wouldn't have been possible without you Mom.
It may have taken 46 years (58 in May) but the last 12 years have been filled with the God-given Grace of spiritual maturity that has made me the spiritual warrior that I am today.
God has a plan for everyone, in their own time, for a long as there is time left. God loves a sinner most I think. Cuz they make the best testimonials! Woo Hoo!
You are looking at a person who formally engaged in drug addiction, emotional self-destruction, and self-loathing who was absolutely spiritually lost.
I do not brag or boast about my achievements or toot my own horn. Oh, Wait! TOOT! Damn right.
Ya know how hard it is these days to be positive and productive? Of course, you do. Daily challenges where we all want to throw in the towel at times?
So I want to inspire, empower and encourage everyone to see themselves as God sees his children. That's Us! You and me. And we are far from perfect! But we are, however, Perfectly-Imperfect! Yep Human.
And I am honored, privileged, and so very, very blessed to be a part of the solutions instead of the problems in a global community of multi-millions of recovering addicts of many different kinds of addictions.
And they have unimaginable horror stories from the past and incredible victory stories of today! From hopeless rejects of society to productive members of society.
Never reject what appears to be a loser. Especially without judging ourselves first. Or how about not judging at all? They may be the next testimony of "Saved By Grace".
That's my Mom and Dad! How Friggen Blessed Am I? When so many are suffering right now, feel as if they have no one at all. But we have each other. We are never alone. But it's a choice.
Thank you, to all my friends and family who overlooked, my hypo-mania, and loved and supported me for exactly who I am. As God made me, and you.
https://www.facebook.com/i45NOW/videos/483354359553733

​

Today I see and hear so many intelligent, professionals...

..and renowned public figures...

 ...with all their intellectual knowledge...

...and with all their worldly observations...

...and yet they seem to lack the ability...

...to form strategic and effective plans...

 ...that would successfully win the humanitarian wars.

The wars created by humankind... 

...and also by natural disasters.

And so the battles continue over and over...

...with the same outcomes...

...as if it were all designed this way.

But why and for what?

Well profit of course. That's no secret. It has always been this way.

Perhaps that is how the world of business works.

I mean if we as citizens, were to end the cooperate powers that be...

...then where would that put us? We the people?

Without creature comforts and modern conveniences, that's where.

Oh, I get it... Me too. Guilty as charged.

However, a certain, shall I say', more sensitive ideology...

 passionately "feels", that we need...

...to get back to nature first.

They feel that nothing can be done...

..without a healthy world to live in.

Hmmm? Valid point.

And we need to feed and protect the impoverished of the world.

Ummmm? Another good point.

I believe that is what Jesus wanted us all...

...to do. To take care of each other.

Our brothers and sisters.
But another, shall I say', more reserved ideology...

...believes, that we all must take care of ourselves first...

 ...before we can take care of anything or anyone.


I personally think, as a centrist and independent...

...that neither ideology is misrepresented...

...and that but both are factually true.

Perhaps it is a matter of which action to take first? 

Should we take care of ourselves first?

 So we can be secure in our efforts...

...to get the job done?

Or in love and compassion...

...should we take care of others first...

...so that the rewards from of Good Will...

...can give us the spirit to do more for...

 ...those who cannot take care of themselves...

...and that has very little or nothing at all?
Most of us here in this country, by the majority,...

...as citizens, have so many blessings...

...or priveledges as some may prefer to say...

...where our cup runneth over...

...and, in fact, we have more...

... then we could ever need. 
 
No, I am not referring to only money.

I am also referring to the very basics...

...water, food shelter. 
How blessed are we? Everyday!

To have all that we need, to have life, and live well? 

But do we not have the hungry, poor, addicted... 

...suffering, homeless, impoverished, abused...

...sick, hopeless, and alone...

...right here, at our own front door?

Should we start over here? Or over there?

Do we do both? At the same time? 

Well, that is outstanding and unselfishly. caring idea!

But can we?

Do we have the resources to give to all the world?

So that all human beings may have what we have?

"The Government Does! They Should Do It!"

Yes, they do have it, and yes they could, but...

When? Will they? Have They?

Even if someone has the responsibility...

...to do the right thing...

...it is an expectation that we have...

...of them to do it.

And don't be angrier than you already are...

...when humans do or don't do, what they should...

...particularly when they never have.

Why have they never?

Well, maybe they have.

But no matter what they do...

...if they do...

..it would never be enough to satisfy...

...everyone's expectations...

...especially considering, that everyone...

...has their own ideas about...

...how things should be done...

...according to them and in the way...

... that it should.

At least we may all agree on that.

So two things that I must ask myself.

Am I willing to give away most of all that I have...

..my possessions, and opportunities...

...that I have earned, or have been given to me...

...so that others can have the equity...

 ...and equality that I say...

...that I want for them?

What am I willing to sacrifice?

My new car? My college scholarship?

My nice home? My clothes and jewelry?

Hmmm? Maybe I could just share my home.

...open my doors and take down my fences...

...so all are welcome to move in when they choose to...

...and give freely all that I have...

...with those who have very little...

or nothing at all.

Welcome, all who flee from dangerous and oppressive, environments?

But if we really wanted to do this, then why haven't we already?

So the idea behind, the ideology of,

..."We must take care of our own first"...

...is another question.

How can we give away,...

...what we don't have, to give away?

No, I am not referring to all the advantages...

...and resources that we have.

I am, however, referring to, self-will, mental health...

...cognitive fitness, emotional stability...


...energy, time to spare, and, yes, the money...

to buy supplies and medicine...

...for all the people in need...

...around the world.

It is clear, to me, that...

..."We Must Take The Very Best Care Of Ourselves First...

... To Give The Very Best Care To Others!...

Now there are millions of folks around the world ...

..that actually does roll up their sleeves...

..and leave behind their loved ones, and creature comforts...

...to live and work among those suffering...

...and in great need, around the world...

...In some of the most horrific and dangerous...

...places on earth.

All Kinds Of Humanitarian Professionals With Careers That Serve People. 

International Volunteer HQ
Peace Corp
U.N. Volunteers
VSO (Volunteer Services Overseas
Go Abroad.com
Global Volunteers
Global Vision International
Habitat  For Humanity
Save The Children
Doctors Without Borders
Mercy Ships
Green Peace
Red Cross
And on, and on and on,

So imagine all of this money and all these accumulated donations?

Why then, do we have the poor and suffering right where live?

Can you imagine how many Billions and Billions of dollars that is...

...generated annually? GEEZ!

No, I am not going into Government waste spending...

...or greedy corporation corruption...

  ...even that is a story post topic I won't make...

Although I could easily! Not Today Satan.

So yet another question is...

 ...that may appear as very insensitive,...

"If You Had A Choice To Feed A Child...

But You Only Had Food For One Child...

Would You Feed Your Own Child First?

Or Give The Little Food You Have...

...To Another Child Far Away?

"Oh, Clay!" You're Just Trying To Complicate Things!

Your Twisting It All Around...

..Because You Don't Care!"

Ok, so what your saying is that I don't care...

at all?

Or as much as you do? 

But I ask again. What have you given up?

What have you sacrificed, or were willing to go without...

...in your own world of comfort and convenience? 
No, not only 50 cents per month to feed a child.

So you can feel unguilty about all that you have.

But are willing to go where the suffering is?

To live in, what they live in?

To roll up your selves and plant seeds?

 And/or dig water wells in the hot sun...

...and carry water?

"Oh, Clay!, There You Go Again! Twisting Everything Around!"

"Whose twisting the reality around here?"

All your screaming at me is your own emotional denial...

...because the questions I ask...

...are about personal responsibility...

...and accountably...

So my version of reality seems, more likely true...

...in my own opinion.  

And all the soapbox emotions...

...about how we neglect the world...

...and what it is we need to be doing about it all...

...is just a protesting poster sign...

...or a podium on a celebrity award show...

...where there are gifts for celebrities that cost thousands...

...while they give speeches about how the powers that be...

...do nothing and the people starve. 

"I bet that I could feed 10 families for 6 months with...

..the money it cost for only one award show designer dress...

...that will only be word One Time! 

Am I making this up or what?

OMG! No, I'm not, because they are gleefully telling you...

...all of this themselves on the Red Carpet! LOL!

"Well, Clay It's Better Than Doing Nothing At All Ya Know?"

Yes, I agree, wholeheartedly, that's true...

...but you may be missing my point...

...and, Yes, my question was about...

...what we are giving away?

But is only cutting a check-in alignment...

...with the glamourous stage speeches...

 ....about how other people are responsible and accountable?

Are all the speeches and checks, for us to feel better...

  ...about ourselves...

 Or for the suffering to feel better?

Ummmm, both I suppose.

Yes doing good things for others...

..is a motivation to do more!

But is this only apart of the solution?

But I ask once again...

...what are you sacrificing of all your privilege?

The privileges that you say, you don't deserve...

...or that you feel so guilty about?

..because so many have very little or nothing at all? 

Do you really feel guilty about driving a nice car...

...while on your way the way to go shopping...

and meeting friends at the new trendy cafe?

I am asking what are you doing to make the difference...

...by your own willingness to create equity...

..and equality so we are all as one?

So as to know from personal experience the pain and hardship...

...and to feel first hand the joys of accomplishment, achievement,...

...and reaching goals, so as to see the joy...

...on the impoverished faces that we want to serve.

"Well, Clay! I Don't See You Doing Anything Or Sacrificing Your Privileges!"

True. But you also don't hear me loudly that I wanted to...

...or that I should or could.

"So See!? Your No Better Than Me!"

"Well, I never said or suggested that I was, did I? 

Because I am no better than anyone...

...and I am only just one child of God, my creator...

..and what I have found is that a simple prayer to God...

...to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...

...and ask in sincerity that The Lord please take care of them.

Give shelter and safety...

 ...and provide them with food and medicine...

...give comfort to those who suffer...
 ...and who have very little...

...or nothing at all...

For me? This is the most powerful way to serve anyone...

"Oh Clay...What, A Cop-Out!...Mr, Holier Than Thou!...

...So You're Saying That You Can Just Pray...
 
...And Everything Just Goes Away! Right?"

"No, once again, I am not saying that...

...nor am I suggesting that either.

However, what I am saying is, that I don't feel guilty...

...or solely responsible...

...or emotionally compelled to do anything...

...other than turn to God for help...

...and accept his grace and will...

It's not about being right or wrong...

...it's just a choice to be angry or at peace...

,...you may "feel" that you need to do something...

...but when I pray, I feel that I did...

...the most powerful something...

...I believe...

...because God can do, what I am not able to do...

...and through the compassion of Christ...

...I am able to do what I can do...

..and do far more than I could alone...

...together with my Lord and Savior...

 ...and do the very things that...

...that he asks me to do first.

And as I had mentioned earlier in this story post...

I must gather the strength, health,...

...mental and emotional clarity......

...so as to know what to do next...

Because if I feel that only "I" alone, must...

...fix and solve everything in the world...

...then I would not need God for anything at all...

...and all would be fixed and solved by now.

"So Then Why Hasn't God Fixed And Solved Everything Wrong"

"Well, if he did, then how would we know what is right...

..and what is wrong, if there was nothing to compare with?

And what would we know? How could we learn...

...what love, giving, and compassion are...

...if we did not have an adversity to overcome?
"Well, It Still All Sounds Like A Cop Out To Me!"

"Of course it does.

"If You Ask Me. This Story Just Shows How Jealous And Resentful You Are!"
Ok. Go in peace...

...I do hope for you an open your mind...

..so to be still and rest...

...get out of yourself, and then return to yourself.

Reflect, contemplate, and let go.

It's a daily practice, my friend.

But you have to be willing to do it."

Before you can find out how freedom from surrender feels.

BULLS---! YOU THINK I'M BUYING THIS LOAD OF CRAP! YOU'RE AN IDIOT! $#%@! *#&^!

Hey, Look A Big Squirrel!

What!? Where!?

BAM! Ugh Oh! Where did that branch come from?

And it landed right on this guy's noggin. What are the chances of that?

Hey Man? Are you Ok? Can you hear me?

Poor guy. He's just sleeping.

He looks so peaceful now after all that anger.

Glad I could help...

NO! I meant to say that, it's horrible that squirrel knocked that branch down and Cold Cocked him!  
 
A lesson to us all. Don't wait until it's too late.

Find some inner peace, before a squirrel drops a big branch on you.

Thanks for letting me share again. 

I do not dream very often but when I do they are vivid and significant. I tend to not forget them either. They may fade into the back of my mind, but then suddenly and unexpectedly one day that dream will surface again.

However I rarely ever have nightmares. Can be years in between them. But I had one last night. My nightmares are not about Monsters but trauma. We all have trauma or many of some kind.
What may seem like a small trauma to some, can be a Big Trauma to the victim. It's about how badly it affects the victim.
When I have a good dream I am excited to share it with someone.
When I have a strange or odd dream that I have no idea what the hell it was about or where the thoughts could have come from, I will try to find someone that I feel who has good insight to help me interpret them if I am feeling so compelled to do so.
But, when I have a Nightmare I rarely tell anyone. Because I feel that I need to make peace with it. It may be a very personal and intimate event containing secrets from my past that still today I have not shared with anyone.
I contemplate on whether I need to or want to expose myself from the most embarrassing and regrettable moments in my past life.
I think the reason that I really have a personal nightmare such a these is that I have worked very hard for so many years educating myself in recovery communities that I have gathered an insurmountable stockpile of life coping skills when dealing with emotional trauma.
None the less, reliving the traumatic nightmare from the past is the same nightmare I have in my sleep.
And on even more rare occasions I will have one of those "Jump Up In Bed, In A Dripping Sweat Nightmares" where you are feeling your body to make sure it is there and the bed, too while looking around to see if what is happening is real or not.
And when I finally do feel that it was all only a nightmare I have the feeling of "THANK GOD!". However I will stay where I am on the edge of the bed for a while in shock until I can get a grip on things,
I even may wonder my groggy state if the nightmare was real and that the wonderful life I have today is actually is unreal?
But that would mean it was a wishing dream right?
So then it's definitely a nightmare!? But no worries folks! That passes. It's, not a horror movie! LOL!
Even though when I know for certain that right now is real, I am still fascinated and emotionally moved to want to know more about it by investigating what could this nightmare be trying to show me?
I do believe in messages from God. Whether they are a biochemical reaction or not. I believe that God made all things and that includes biology and other sciences,
After all, science is the study of all things. But science is not the God that many make it to be, in my opinion, as is theirs.
The first thing that I do is try to identify where I am in a nightmare. If it is unfamiliar to me, then I ask myself, "What kind of place is this that compares to where I have been before?".
Then I attempt to identify the feelings that I am having. Am I Scared, Sad, and Lost, or simply Horrified altogether!
What are my behaviors? What am I thinking and doing in the nightmare?
With these observations and conclusions, the story unfolds.
My nightmares are always the same base scenario. They are reflections of actual; situations that I have experienced many times. These events did traumatize me. PTSD (Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder).
PTSD isn't only about having violence done to you but also from witnessing it.
In a nightmare, you can witness what you are doing to yourself that which is violent. That likely will trigger terrific guilt and shame,
Self-destruction induced by depression or rage employing suicide attempts, drug abuse, degradation, and other self-afflicting and traumatizing behaviors.
Not to ever dismiss the travesty of one's physical, verbal, mental, and emotional abuse by others done onto the victim but my nightmares are not about my abusers or the violence but the damage that I inflicted upon myself.
But over many years I had to learn that most of the damage that I believe I did to myself wasn't actually my own intentional harm.
You see I had been blaming myself for far too many things that were not in my control to prevent from happening. But I felt as if somehow, that I caused my own harm by causing someone else to harm me, and as a result, I did even more harm to myself.
We can carry these nightmares with us all of our lives with no reprieve as the tapes play over and over and they are real! We may never, ever forget them!
But can we make peace with them? Is it possible to understand them? Why these nightmares are occurring?.
Of course, it is possible in many numerous therapeutic ways. But you have to be willing to participate. If you are resistant to seek help it may be that you don't want help.
I know my nightmares were all I had and they were my accomplishments as twisted and demeaning as they all were.
Are you confused by me saying that which I just suggested? Well, you might be able to understand it if you seek out the therapeutic help I just suggested.
I am so sorry to seem so harsh. But it's Tough Love. And I Love You and God loves you too, but you are the only one that can save yourself from your own nightmares by forgiving yourself.
And God will save you from the nightmares of the future if we ask him for forgiveness too. But it may not only be violence, it can be abandonment. or any unsafe, unsecured, confusion such as being lost in the middle of nowhere with no money, or way to call for help.
Imagine how a helpless child or an innocent animal must feel in that way when they are unexpectantly abandoned too?
When I runway from home at 15 due to unbearable environmental circumstances, I had to survive on the streets, It is a very dangerous and unpredictable lifestyle at such a young age while being preyed upon by vultures cruising in cars persuading you to get in.
And the hunger pangs from not eating were far greater than the risk. It was for me, the leaving proverbial frying pan called home into the fire of the big cities.
I remember having to endure their pleasures that seemed to me like forever and then afterward, only to not get compensated in any way that would ease my hunger and then also to be put out of the car, into the dark with nowhere insight to go.
But that was not the worst of it all. I could have been left for dead many times living this way, and never to be seen or heard from again.
Just a cold case file that could empty a mother's soul from never knowing. My God I Love My Mom And Family! Thank You, Jesus Christ!
My amends to them is every day that I take care of myself and pass on that care to others in need. What better way to forgive ourselves other than making sense of all that was so senseless before and putting ital;l to Good use.
Now, these nightmares were also daymares. Sometimes I would be sitting in a room watching T.V. or on the computer and an image would trigger a similar experience and my body would shutter and shiver momentarily at the thought.
And at that moment the feeling was extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. And in the same way, also, waking from a nightmare, these daymares also take time to process. But the recovery time today is fast.
Because I trust myself and I trust in my Lord in that there is no reason that I ever have to harm myself again. I never have to worry again about being rescued when I am already saved.
This has always been my dream. To feel safe and secure.
To be doing all the amazing things I am today that I never in a billion years believe that someone like me could be doing so many good things to help so many people understand as I did the difference between a dream and a nightmare.
And Yes! If you believe it, Dreams Can Come True.
Thanks as always for letting me share. Dream Big!

Well, this is a first. God has me moving and busy as always, but I don't believe I often make three, story posts in a row for three days straight. He must have something to say that perhaps some folks that may need to know it. I'm just the vessel.
So the title of this particular post is "Strength And Endurance". Well, we all know what these two words mean and what they mean together too right?
But I am going to use these two words to describe my prayers in troubled times. I am very sure that I am not the only one to believe in what I am about to say.
You see when I am in trouble or Really Bad Trouble from many of life's trials and tribulations unless I am in severe pain or my life is being threatened, I do not ask God to remove my hardships and burdens. But instead, I pray for the "Strength and Endurance" to get through them.
Because it has been said for centuries, "For All Things, There Is A Reason And A Purpose!". It's also been said, "Sometimes Ya Gotta Go Through Hell To Get To Heaven".
If you have read the Bible or some, or most all spiritual texts around the world, then you will find in many places they are filled with characters who suffered in many different ways and some for very long periods of time.
But more about that further down the post.
But first, if you will allow me a few questions. How often do we not know what it is that we need until we need it? Or realize what we had until it is gone? Yet we never seem to forget what we want. Perhaps, that is, until we get it, then, we want something else?
Is there ever a greater time, for the appreciation of a life other than when it has been taken from us? Why wait? It has been said that,.....
"When You Are Aware That Your Days Are Numbered, Then There Is A Superlative Revererance For The Precious Gift Of Time!
And No Other Time Than When We Are Faced With Our Own Mortality. Or to put it more crudely,
"When You Are About To Die, The Only Thing That Might Be On Your Mind Is Wanting To Live!",
But some folks like me are not afraid of death. That is could be until I find myself at Deaths Door. But who knows? I may not be scared and ready to go with trust in my God that everything will be alright if I just let go.
I may even be looking forward to peace in paradise as I choose to believe in it. Or I may just Freak Out altogether LOL!
There are three things that I do for sure "right now". And that is at this moment, as in every single moment.
(1) I Live! And I live like it was my last day on earth. Because it might very well be.
(2) Another thing I know at this moment is that I have no regrets. I have made peace and amends for all my sins as I continue to do so every day as I sin every day.
(3) I believe that all things that occurred to me in my past were Opportunities to gain knowledge from Right and Wrong.
Yes, they were all my choices Good or Bad. But I feel that they were my path to choose from. Either way, was a learning lesson. Experiences that had I chosen to learn from.
Then to not just learn, from the joys and consequences so to become aware, but actually apply the wisdom into action, cognitive understanding, multi-perspectives, broader insights, expanded consciousness, and an endless array of spiritual principles to acquire a more moral compass.
Moral Compass? Ugh, ahem, let's just say, "Progress not Perfection. LOL! Perfection is impossible to achieve as human beings, of course, That is the whole point of being fallible. To overcome our never-ending imperfections,
And like sinning every day, and asking for forgiveness every day, again, that's the whole point of being fallible, as i choose to see it.
How many of you non-Catholic(such as myself), think that the practice of "Confession" in the Holy Church is useless and makes no sense to confess and then go out and sin some more?
And then to keep coming back to confess every time they sin again and again?. Even if they keep committing the same sin over and over? Who would say, "That's is Fake and Insincere and God would never forgive that!"
I get it! I totally get it! I always thought the same thing! It was like WTH? Ridiculous. But as I mentioned above about multi-perspectives and broader insights today and every day I recover new ways to see things now.
And this is possible because I no longer decide who and what God forgives and doesn't. Because I am too busy asking for my own salvation to be busy with other sins. Or is it known as a "busy-body"
No, I have not converted to Catholicism, nor have I ever step into a Catholic church, As a matter of fact, to some, I may be lost or found within myself as a proclaimed Christian! But without a doctrine to follow or belong to.
I do not belong to any religious congregation at all. But I have visited many and will go when invited to any place of worship if I choose to. It's like exploring different cultural foods! It's fun and educational!
However many religions that I have ever attended strongly believe that their religion is the only truth. But since I believe that Christ is the only truth I don't feel the need to follow anyone else but Jesus.
So can I be a Christian without a church? I am almost certain that many folks have something to say about my lost and confused soul.
But if you are so kind as to worry about my soul? Instead of warning me of damnation, could you pray for my salvation instead? Thank you. I'll pray for yours too.
So about confession. It came to me one day. I believe that I must ask forgiveness every day. Then I said to myself, Hmmm? Could that be the same thing as going to a priest and confessing one's sin again and again?
Although I chose to go directly to the source. LOL!
But again folks may say that I am not doing it the right way? I am not sure that there is a wrong way.
Some fundamentalists may say, "The Bible says, The Bible says!" like a proselytizing parrot (squawk).
I read the Bible quite a bit. It's very interesting with lots of great stories and teaching moments. It isn't contradicting as many would say but rather requires "Spiritual Discernment"
It isn't a matter of interpretation to me either, but I believe that there are the same principles applied in different ways depending on what is occurring at the time.
I believe in one truth and also believe in multiple truths. God is all things and created all things, so other than The Son why would I think that there is only one truth?
If you find my way of thinking confusing that's Ok. It works for me. And it saved my life too. And if I am wrong? I know that I will be forgiven. But again Wrong is a good way to learn Right for folks like me.
Now, let me throw you this insane ideological, theological-philosophy of mine at you. Are you ready?
You may not understand this one either if you still believe that my thinker is broken. But I feel that since God had me on this self-destructive path in my past, (in which I had survived by his grace alone), then I just might have asked for the worst!
Yea I know that it sounds Crazy to imagine how anyone would ask for a horrible thing to happen to them. But how else could a person such as I get such an expanded consciousness than to have endured some of the most challenging situations to overcome?
Did I know somewhere inside me that, "God Never Gives Us Any More Than We Can Handle?"
If you come out of the storm, (If you do) you bring with you so much incredible awareness. Such a greater appreciation for life and all things, even the very smallest of things, are BIG!
That the tiniest speck of light in a room consumed with darkness is Bright. And if you have lived in a cave for many years that light may even be blinding!
So at the beginning of this story post, I opened with, "Ya never know what you had until you no longer had it? But for me, I never knew what I was missing until now! And I no longer have anything to lose!
And all I want to do most of the time today is to help folks feel the same way. You don't have to go through what I did to gain what I have. It is in you already, It always has been.
Sometimes it's just about having a supportive person in your life to help you recognize all your gifts, abilities, talents, skills, or whatever makes you a confident, empowered, inspired, and happy person!
Thanks again for letting me share! Love Is A Necessity. Happiness Is A Choice.