-- On his deathbed, they asked him where he wanted to be buried. Bob Hope replied: "Surprise me."I had forgotten that he lived to be 100, and it has been almost 17 years since he died.
For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your grandparents, and thanks for the memories.
This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference....
ON TURNING 70 - "I still chase women, but only downhill."
ON TURNING 80 - "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”
ON TURNING 90 - "You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 - " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER (BOXING) - "I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them."
ON GOLF - "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS - "I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER - "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham."
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL - "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY - "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS - "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES - "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ONGOING TO HEAVEN - "I have done benefits for ALL religions. I would hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
Dear Lord -
Please give me a sense of humor,
give me the grace to see a joke,
to get some humor out of life,
and pass it on to other folks.
To the person receiving this, please have the grace to pass it on to others.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, keep one hand on your wallet, and don't worry about tomorrow.