I Am The Same, As I Always Was. Just Different Now. -by Clay Burton

Something to read during Hurricane Laura. It's another long story post offering to some, a better understanding of who I was and who I am today that may inspire someone who is where I was.
"I May Not Be Where I A Should Be Yet, But I Sure As Hell Am Not Where I Was" Progress Not Perection.
Something to leave behind just in case. Ya never know. And I am staying inside with little to do, and I hear the weather is bad outside.
Mother nature can never be predicted accurately and she can turn on a dime. Happens all the time. But for now? All is well and in God's hands.
If you don't mind can we all take a moment of silence and pray for each other and those who may be in danger before we continue to read on if you choose to?
.............................Amen.
Speaking of God, since we are on the subject and it being the main topic, I have noticed that the viewers of my post are fewer when I openly testify about my belief and faith in Jesus Christ.
But folks don't seem to mind so much when I just mention God alone as my spiritual faith. It's cool.Its not as if all my post will be about Jesus, But most will be about God. Its all Trinity.
I have friends that have known me all my life that saw first hand how wild I was and foolishly willing to try and do anything that compared to then now see me behave more conservatively.
But I haven't changed that much. I am who I am, and always were. I was just stopped doing things in the past that I shouldn't have been doing "for me" apparently.
Allow me to explain more.
Well yes, I have changed, but not in the way many of my friends may think that I have when I am talking about God. And now just recently I am speaking about Jesus much more more openly.
Its a good time in the world right now if you ask me.
Ok, so I am hardly on a Christain conversion campaign. And way hardly am I a Pristine Christain! I don't recruit, and I don't think Jesus did that either. He did say, however, "Follow Me' and "Come Unto Me".
I am not intending to exclude any other Theology or Philosophy, that is Kind, Loving, Peaceful, Compassionate and Forgiving. It's all good to me. I just chose my path of spiritual understanding to believe in.
It is the path that works for me. The path that not only saved my life but gave me a Happy Life! And happy every day even on a Bad Day! And Very, Very Bad Days too!
How? Because I can handle it all through my spiritual faith. The strength, that comes from spiritually positive, cognitive, perspectives.
I receive these positve perspectives by asking in daily prayer to what I believe is an infinite and omnipotent Father that loves his child (me) very, very much.
Some Christians do however today testify and minister as Apostles of Chrsit searching for willing and curious disciples to follow Jesus. It is more of an invitation and an inspirational choice in my opinion with a Promise Of Love, Forgiveness, and Eternal Life.
But don't take my word for it, go check it out for yourself, as it
is written as-is all religious/philosophical doctrines around the world or ask someone that you trust or feel good about who follows Christ and in this case is the Bible.
I don't overly concern myself with what others do that I used to do and no longer do. Although somethings I don't care to be around. Such as if they smoke, drink, gamble, cuss, etc. That is their choice to do and mine to tolerate, but without judgment.
I can always remove myself from the situation if it bothers me too much. Or if I feel that it is a conscious decision. Besides who am I to judge when I did all these things and more? The reason I stopped was that It all was killing me literally. And only me.
And only by God's grace and mercy was it possible. I could not have stopped on my own alone. Truth and Facts are that I didn't want to stop. Even as much pain that I was in. And that is a whole other story.
You would have to study recovery and listen to other recovered peers as you first walk into the rooms to understand why most (not all) folks in addiction die or never stop thier addictions and contnue to live in agony.
It's like when folks that do the things that I used to do. They ether don't have a problem or maybe do,have one but keep doing these things without causing the massive self-destruction that I had done to myself.
Some folks can do recreational partying successfully while others (like me) just create seemingly irreversible harm and damage to themselves and to everyone around them is affected as well.
So at the beginning of this story, I had mentioned that some of my friends witnessing my life today may not quite understand or be familiar with my understanding my abstinance.
Our my refraing in cetain negative behaviors for me.They may be concerned or confused about where my head is at regding what may appear as an indoctrinated Godspelll.
Ya know how when soem folks find God and act like they just took a hit of Purple Haze? Oh Wow Man! I Can See God! Its So Beautful Man!
As far as I know LSD could be a metaphysical gateway into the mknd of God but the problem is that it doesnt last and ya have to take another hit. But if God is always in my life 24/7 then there is no need for me to take anything at all.
About friends. Now real friends love you no matter what. And that is why I am writing this post for them. Ya know dear friends are just like family and they worry sometimes about us.
Ok so, I was at a reunion party with family friends and they all know me from my past troubles. But these folks prayed and prayed and prayed for me when I was lost in the world. Today, my special and wonderful friends are so Proud of me!
My whole family is! They never gave up on me! But I was lost back then and there was nothing any of them could do for me that I had to do for myself. But truth is that I needed God. My Truth.
And the past 3 years my local (non-recovery) friends who are unfamiliar with the supportive programs of recovery addiction have been watching me testify, share, and get excited about my life today and how it all came to be through years of hard work and study in recovery.
These are recovery priniciples that are the very same spiritual principles as is in the Bible.
However, in the recovery community, that I have kept separately from my local community until 3 years ago, are family friends that have survived their own lives in addiction in the same chaotic ways that I did in the past, and have known me in my new life, for much longer. 11 years now.
I celebrated my 11th claen date from addiction last year on January 1st. Yep, what more common time to fall from Grace but on News Years Eve right? That was in 2009 and I'm all good ever since and staying that way takes daily prayer.
And now you all know how Recovery from substance addiction and Christianity entered my life! And that gave me life!! Woo Hoo!
But imagine those friends who are very happy for me, but they still do things that I no longer do. I don't smoke, gamble, drug, drink, etc. anymore but some friends still do.
At the beginning of recovery, it is highly suggested to avoid people, places, and things that cause you to use drugs and trigger other addictions. Good advice.
But what about when you study, learn, and come to understand the truth from a spiritual awakening and now possessing the accountability that can no longer be dienied?
Look I get it! Some folks feel that their disease is managed with more restrictive and disciplined caution. That is the truth that works for them.
For me, there is the promise of absolute freedom if I stay on the very same path of God that saved me. AKA, Why fix what ain't broke?
Unfortunantly there has been so much wrong done ithroughout history in the name of Jesus. So much righteous condemning by some who claim to be Christians and so much judgment about The CrAzY Jesus Freaks way out in the left-field too|
And yea, some folks do not trust all the fundamentalist, finger-pointing, and sanctimonious persecution. It certainly has chased away many oppressed souls away from believing in a Loving, Forgiving God.
Which is to be excepted to when you use a Bible as a weapon of fear.
But hey, it's humanly normal. (whatever that is) That's how humans do and how humans "allow" themselves to be influenced by yet another force. The enemy of God. The adversary that hangs out in the old apple tree! So goes the story.
But let's not get mad at a snake for being a snake? Here's a story within my own story that goes like this. Perhaps you have heard of it,
"The Frozen Snake'
There once was a snake that was frozen in the icy cold, winter snow. When along came a compassionate woman who took pity on the poor thing.
She quickly scooped the snake up and took it to her warm cabin and set it down by the fire. The woman wasn't sure if the snake was still alive or not.
So she kept a caring and vigilant watch over the snake. Then suddenly the snake began to thaw and move a bit!
As the woman was overjoyed to see the snake become more active, she then next bent down to the snake to pick him up and caress his body. And then completely to her surprise the snake Bit The Woman!
She began to feel very ill! The poison was coursing through her veins. She asked the snake Why!? Why did you bite me after all that I did to save your life! Why did you bite me snake!!?
Then as the woman lay slowly dying, the snake casually replied to her as it made itself at home. "I'm sorry about that. But I'm a snake. Its what I do. What did you expect?"
LOL! Is it a sad story? Or a funny one? Cuz it's human and yep, we do occasionally laugh at ourselves and the things we do.
But back to faith. I do not judge others' faith, beliefs, and sources of peace strength and hope. Let them find their own way. Let them find what they need to believe in.
In my opinion, no matter what it is that saves lives and delivers hope to the suffering it is an opportunity or chance if you will, to expand one's spiritual consciousness for bigger, better, and more in-depth awareness that builds stronger faith.
Face it, folks, In reality as it is for many or most human beings who are searching for the truth they need results and evidence, But with faith, later on, there is no more need for proof.
Say to me, "Prove That God Exist!" And I will ask, "Prove That He Doesn't!" You can't nor can I. That is was faith and belief is.
The real question might be is how do you feel with your life without God?
Are you happy, free, and fulfilled? Do you have meaning and purpose? Are you loved and do you give love? These may be your answers?
Of course, in many, other places in the Christain Bible teach a disciple how the only way to The Father is through Jesus Christ for he is The Way, The Truth, and The Life.
The Bible is also full of do's and don'ts when finding Christ
But The Human Race has an unfortunate habit that seems to dictate who is a Christain and who is not. As if to say your faith is the wrong faith because you are not doing it the right way.
The wariness of religion has grown and continues to grow. Atheism has doubled considerably in the past 20 years. I don't consider myself to be religious, just because I believe in Jesus.
Some may disagree and claim otherwise. That you must go to chiruch and read the Bible in order to be a true Christain. But those who believ this way may be as some who would deter a person who has no idea who and what Jesus is from seeking him out. Jus sayin is all.
And there are claimed Christians that would believe that other Christian religions are the wrong Christian religion! WTH? I don't know if this seemingly divisive disagreement helps folks find Christ through enlightenment or not. Not my call I guess. Everyone is different.
Well fas or me working with newcomers with emotional problems and in addictions in the recovery community. that suffer or maybe dying from substance addiction, I do not believe that there is a wrong way to seek spiritual healing when they are only seeking "life itself'.
In more than one way. Staying alive and having a happy and fulfilling life is the same.
Their emotional pain is so deep, and more often than not, developes from many different unhealthy environmental conditions. So deep in fact that they would kill themselves slowly, but may not be aware that they are committing suicide.
But they do not want to die at all deep inside I believe. I know I didn't want to.
They simply feel that they can no longer endure life. Why? Because they have nothing meaningful to live for. They may need to only be loved until they learn to love themselves.
Recovery folks (family) will believe in you until you can believe in yourself too. Just ask for help. That's all you have to do. Ask.
By the majority of the 7.8 billion world population, this feeling of emotional bondage develops from all kinds of abuses as I had mentioned above earlier in this post.
Physical/Mental/Emotional/Psychological/Biological. PTSD, rejection, humiliation, bullying, sexual assault of all genders and ages, degradation, rejection, abandonment, violence, homelessness, etc.

These emotional catalysts are likely to create beliefs of worthlessness, hopelessness, feeling lost and confused, guilt, shame, regret, anger, depression, fear, and again, suicide in many forms, such as risky behaviors, unsafe practices from not caring about their own lives.
Feeling unloved.
Many poor souls simply cannot muster the courage to use a gun, overdose, jumping to their deaths, or other means caused by one's self-afflicting will.
They may be hoping that from their reckless behaviors that they might die inadvertently. And not resulting from or achieved through deliberate planning. Again this is likely a means that they do not want to die, but don't want to live and suffer.
Yes, I did say having "The Courage" to take one's own life. And if you say that suicide is cowardice I can guarantee you that you have never had the Evil of confusion and sadness to live in the insurmountable isolating fear, of lonely abandonment.
Abandonment is the empty hopelessness of the lost, It is the enemy of God lying to us that would separate us from him. To live in the darkness far away from the light that would save us all.
But trust me when I say that you are never, ever alone. All I have to do is surrender the fight and let my savior fight for me in spiritual defense and provide for me protection.
Ok now that you have read thus far, I can continue my explanation regarding my recovery from emotional suffering and how God found me! Because I certainly wasn't looking for God.
I have said in some of my other stories that I could not fathom that Jesus would come within 2 feet near me as long as I was doing unimaginable harm to myself in the most horrific environments.
Such as using drugs and performing behaviors that most folks including some Christians would condemn and turn away from.
But there were two things back in those days that I did not know, and was completely unaware of, and couldn't possibly conceive.
(1) That Jesus, the son of The Father and The Holy Spirit of Love and Forgiveness was always with me, by my side the entire time as I was doing all these immoral harms to myself.
(2) I didn't know that God chooses the most lost, and broken sinners to become disciples of Christ and taught by him to became his Apostles.
(Mark 16:15). Jesus calls the unworthy and makes them worthy, he sends forth the weak and makes them strong. And the apostles obeyed: “They went forth and preached everywhere”
Now I want to conclude with my friends again, and how some may misinterpret my passion to love Christ and praise openly his name.
Imagine how I would feel if I walked into a party of my good friends and most everyone was having a great time. And then some were telling adult jokes and drinking beer.
And out of love for me and consideration for my recovery as well as my belief in Jesus, and as I approached everyone gets kind of quiet and the atmosphere changes in the room.
What if my friends kind of didn't know what to do when I arrived on the scene or how to behave around me, They didn't feel comfortable from not wanting to offend me by using adult talk or triggering my addictions with alcohol.
So what happens is that they were trying to make me feel comfortable, but they become uncomfortable in having the fun in the way that they were, so now I feel uncomfortable for being a party pooper!
Well, first of all, I don't feel responsible for others becoming uncomfortable because I have nothing to do with anyone else's feelings. Only my own.
If I couldn't feel confident to have fun without drinking or smoking then why would I be so irresponsible to be there in the first place?
Why would I risk 11 years of God's Good Grace?
Now hold on all you recovery folks out there who believe in the mindste of "Once and Addict always an Addict" and say that is to others in addiction recovery .
I don't believe that at all. And I certainly am not going to negatively confirm ithat I am an addict to myself.
Why would I who have unquestionably surrendered completely to God, my will and life, want to walk around on eggshells every day worrying about relapsing?
I didn't say I couldn't relapse. God only knows the adversity that could be ahead of me. Devastating events that could occur in my life.
What I said was that I do not worry about relapsing and I do not refer to myself as an addict when I am not actively using drugs and have not for 11 years?
Its like living life always worried about dying. What kind of life is that? The Living Dead?
So my dear friends, please listen to me, when I say that the only thing in life that has changed is me, and how I handle, cope, and react, to what has always been, still is and always will be in the future until there is no future.
In other words. Chill The %*@# Out! I Love You All! Not what you do so much. LOL!. Good or Bad!. 😍
Thanks again for letting me share once again. And God please protect and keep us all safe! 🙏