An open fire hydrant of love and grace: Parenting during COVID-19 Rudolf Rojahn, M.A., LMFT-A, Fatherhood Coordinator at Family Service Center of Galveston County and Galveston resident

The coronavirus has changed the way we live. Many of us are with our families more than ever. Families are delicate systems and can easily be thrown into crisis if the rules change overnight. In the best of times, this can be overwhelming, but when you add the pressure of disease, lost income, and lost coping mechanisms, our current situation creates the perfect storm for families to experience significant emotional damage, or even trauma.  

Families are ideally a respite from the outside world; a safe set of relationships that allow us to recover from the difficult outside world. Unfortunately, the opposite is often true. People take their frustrations, fears, and anger out on the people closest to them. This toxic habit destroys relationships.

Don’t be afraid. Negative family dynamics are all about habits, and as the parent, what you decide to prioritize is what the family norm becomes. Here are a couple things to keep in mind:

1. Put on your own oxygen mask first
   

You will not be able to provide the stability and leadership your family needs if you are barely functioning. You MUST carve out time to improve your physical and mental health. Work out (pushups and jumping jacks, baby!), take a 24-hour internet break, take a long walk.  While it’s easy to binge on cheap entertainment and unhealthy food, these choices will not create health and happiness. It’s fine to indulge a little, but you need to be healthy to care for others. 

1. Give grace, love, and kindness
   

Realize every human in your environment is going through incredibly difficult circumstances. Spread love and grace like an open fire hydrant to those closest to you: Assume the best of their intentions, overlook small slights, and give kindness freely. Remember that you are operating at a different level of stress and are far more likely to perceive neutral information as disrespect, cruelty, or selfishness. Your brain is looking for someone to blame for why you feel the way you do and will try to convince you the anger is really about your partner’s curt response or your 3 year-old’s choice to paint on the wall. Your emotions want a target, but your family probably isn’t the right one. 

1. Power of control
   

Dark thoughts are common during a crisis. But worrying about things that are beyond our control can drain our energy and contribute to a negative mood and attitude. Put what you can control in the front of your mind, and limit worries about situations you can’t control. What do you need to accomplish in the next 24 hours? What can you plan for the next week, month, and year? 

This is a difficult time, which means our kids need love and empathy more than usual. Nurturing the relationships in our homes will help us all fare better now and after the crisis ends. 

If you need someone to talk to, Family Service Center is here for you! Contact us at 409-762-8636 or www.fscgal.org. 

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